Life of a Dr Wife
Behind the white coat is a partner and a family. Listen to the unfiltered chaos, love, and adventure.
Life of a Dr Wife
Babies in Medical School with Maddie
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In today’s episode, I am sitting down with my friend Maddie and we are talking about having babies during med school. We are both living this season in real time. You don’t always picture pregnancy, newborns, or trying to balance being a mom while your partner is chasing this huge dream. But that’s the reality for so many of us. So today we’re getting real about what it actually looks like. No sugarcoating, no pretending we have it all figured out (because we definitely don't!) … just honest conversation.
I’m so glad you’re here 🫶🏻
Apply to be on the podcast | https://forms.gle/JzRPXWi1fb4H2vLy7
MY LTK | https://www.shopltk.com/explore/Lifeofadrwife?tab=posts
COMFRT | https://comfrt.com/MORGAN1123
MONARCH | https://www.monarch.com/referral?r_source=copy&code=vbxf53xf27
FABLETICS SCURBS | https://www.fabletics.com/?irclickid=SnAWKDx8rxyZTA3TnI3Wn3kcUkuya5UVR0cAVI0&irgwc=1&afsrc=1&utm_medium=influencers&utm_source=impact&utm_campaign=flwomen&irmp=FLW001
Follow the Life of a Dr Wife:
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lifeofadrwife
Tik Tok | https://www.tiktok.com/@lifeofadrwife
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61573291431207
Youtube | https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCwzHHkRBz6XuzEfKZW36SHRG6x3askHk
Welcome back to the Life of a Doctor's Wife podcast. Grab your iced coffee because today's episode is one I've been really excited to record because we're talking about something that doesn't get talked about enough. Having a baby during medical school. And I'm not doing this one alone, I've got Maddie here with me who is right in the thick of it too. We're both living this season in real time. It's messy, beautiful, exhausting, and so worth talking about. Because when you picture med school, you think long hours, stress, studying 24-7. You don't always picture pregnancy, newborns, or trying to balance being a mom while your partner is chasing this huge dream. But that's the reality for so many of us. So today we're getting real about what it actually looks like. What surprised us, what's been really hard, what's been unexpectedly sweet, and how we're navigating it all. No sugarcoating, no pretending we have it all figured out, just honest conversation. So Maddie, so glad you're here. Good morning. Let's get into it. So can you tell everyone where you are on this journey right now?
Speaker 2So my husband is about to start his fourth year of medical school, and um, we have two babies. One, my daughter is gonna be two in a couple weeks, and my little boy is eight months old. I love that.
Speaker 1They're so sweet. And then for me, as many of you guys know, we are wrapping up fourth year, moving to South Carolina for residency, and we have a one and a half-year-old baby girl, Mia. Well, I guess not really a baby anymore, but always babies until I so Maddie, when did you find out you were pregnant and what was your first reaction?
Speaker 2So we found out pretty much right away. Um, and I was so excited. I was thrilled because all I've ever wanted is to be a mom. So we were very excited. Oh, I love that.
Speaker 1I know when David and I found out we were pregnant, I remember just being absolutely over the moon. Because I talk about that a little bit in my birth story and pregnancy journey um in the episode prior to this, um, a little bit more about how we found out and the emotions and going through that. Because I know our first month of trying, we didn't get pregnant, and I remember how hard that was to just like walk around and see babies and see things, and like I didn't realize that emotional toll that it was actually gonna take on me. So if you haven't listened to that one, go back and listen to it. It's a good one. Was this something you planned during medical school, or did life just happen?
Speaker 2We planned it, but we didn't always have it as the plan because when Walker was doing his undergrad and we were dating, he had her he, you know, people tell you all about what medical school is gonna be like, and it's not usually very good. Yeah, it's scary stuff, like it's gonna be the hardest time of your life, and you're never gonna see your husband and all these things that are very discouraging. And spoiler alert, it doesn't have to be that way, right? Yeah, it can be so good. Um, and so he thought that we weren't gonna be able to even have kids until like residency, or maybe a little after. And I'm like, that's a long time I was not about that. So as time went on and we talked to more people, and we saw people at you know, our medical school above us who had kids, um, and we're like, wait, people can do that, we can do this, we can do this, and so we had um hoped and prayed that we would um be able to have a baby during that first uh um summer break, just we right between first and second year. So that was that was the plan, and that's what happened.
Speaker 1Maddie, I think you had both of your kiddos during didactic, so within first and second year when they're still in school in classes and not on rotations. Yeah, is that right? And like, how was that?
Speaker 2So we had my daughter at the end of first year, and Walker was finishing up his last couple classes, and she came on a test day, right after he took a test. We went to the hospital. Um, and my little boy came during third year when he was in his rotations. So that was it was different because we didn't have the summer break afterwards, but the way that he had requested his rotations to line up went really well. So he was doing like an online course, he was doing one that we knew would be a little more low-key at the school where we knew he'd be home at night and he'd be home in the morning, and it wasn't like being on call for 12 hours. Yeah. So you can kind of plan it if you can. If you can. You can try.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think David and I did that as well because once we like had found out I was pregnant, he had to put in his like third-year rotation blocks, like and how they like, yeah, rank them and all those things. So I like don't even know what it's called, but like he front purposely front loaded himself. So he was on like surgery, OB, a lot of those that are more demanding nights, night shifts. So that way, like when Mia was here, he was on more of a Monday through Friday, eight to five, nine to five kind of schedule without having to be doing those really long hours at the hospital.
Speaker 2Yeah, and I think that's something that people don't talk about either is you're studying. You can choose how you study best. You can when you're on rotations, you can choose, yeah, you can request which order you get things in, or your preceptors or something, so that your medical school journey is helpful to you. It doesn't have to be a, you know, what's every what everybody else does.
Speaker 1No, to a degree. Yeah. Which is so helpful when you're doing family life. And I also feel like the number of people that I heard, like who they're the med student and they have the baby, they can either take a gap year off or become a fellow and be the tutor to help with anatomy or OMM or different things like that for that year, where it's a little bit less chaotic per se, than trying to be on rotations when you're having a baby, and like I believe they get a little bit more time off, which I think is great too. I guess this kind of also ties into what we were just talking about. But what were your expectations versus what it's actually been like for motherhood or medical school as a whole?
Speaker 2I guess both. Well, I think so. As a whole, it's been such a joyful time. It's been much easier than people said it was gonna be.
Speaker 1I think a lot of what is put out there about medical school and not even just medical school, I feel like law school or different things. Yeah, I don't have experience being a spouse of anyone in that, but I feel like a lot of people only talk about like the negative or how rough it is, or how like depressed they were during that time, or like mentally and physically. Yes, medical school is challenging, but I think we went into it thinking that this is gonna be like the worst four years of our life. Right.
Speaker 2I think it's a lot of mindset changing.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2That'll change your whole perspective is when you look at it as it's it's a certain amount of time. We're not doing this forever. Yeah, you're working towards a goal, which gives you so much, you know, passion and so much fulfillment, and you're excited to do this. Or, you know, I'm speaking for the couples, us and our husbands, we're excited for them. We see the passion that they have, and that's exciting. Um, so it can give you a little motivation to get through what may be a hard time because it's not like it's all been butterflies. Oh, yeah, no. But for the most part, like we look back on the first three years now with very fond memories, and we didn't think that was ever gonna happen. We thought it was gonna be misery for a couple years, and then finally we made it through, but that hasn't been the case at all.
Speaker 1Yeah. I also think that being at the medical school that we are at, I think we're very blessed with the people that we have around us because at least the other medical schools that David was looking at, I didn't see that very much. I don't think I would have had a lot of spouses or friends in that area. And from what I've heard, is it's odd that this many people are married and have kids in medical school. Because we have a lot.
Speaker 2Yeah, there's a lot of us around here.
Speaker 1I know we did a dinner the other night, and I was like, Oh yeah, there's only like four, five, six families, and then it's like, oh yeah, our headcount is like 35. And I'm like, Oh yeah. It's a lot of people. We got a lot of kids.
Speaker 2Maybe half of all the people with families. That's like if not all of them. But even if there's not a very big like spouse community or you know, mom and dad community, I think that you can find that if you're looking for it. And you really should look for it because you don't have to do this stuff alone. And I think it's harder when you're doing it alone. Because we already don't have we don't have family around. We don't have we didn't have people we knew coming here, and now looking at moving away like for this summer and then next year, it's gonna be hard to leave because all of our heart friends are here. Our church family has been so wonderful, and we're gonna miss everybody. And we're like, if we could stay in Lynchburg forever, we might. But we can't, so we're not going, but still, it just shows like how how much you can find community and find connections and make people your family.
Speaker 1What has been the hardest part that people don't really talk about? Well, I don't know if people talk about it or not.
Speaker 2But for me, the hardest part has been going through this time of like motherhood and um not having my own mom here. I don't know, do people talk about that? I don't think so, but that is such a good point because I I always pictured myself doing this like this phase of life and new babies and yeah, them growing up and stuff. I always picture doing that with my mom there, and it's been so hard not to have her. Moms are the best, yeah. So if you live with, you know, near your family, give your mom a hug. Seriously. For all of us who don't have our moms.
Speaker 1I know. I think that's one thing I'm really looking forward to, especially in residency, is my mom being able to fly in so much easier because where we're moving to in South Carolina, there's like way more direct flights. There's an airport. I know, with more than three gates. It's sad that the only airport near us used to only fly to one destination, and then you would have to find a connecting flight out of there. But yeah, and it's expensive. For me, I think the hardest part that people don't really talk about too is your spouse leaving because for at least fourth year rotations, they're on audition rotations, they're gone for a month on end. And I think as a mom, I understand what's happening, and I think I can grasp he's coming back, or here's a FaceTime call, or something like that, to be able to still talk to my husband. But I think the hardest part was watching Mia see her dad on FaceTime, not really understanding like, is he coming back? Yeah, he's leaving, and then she doesn't really understand that like she's not gonna see him for another month. Like, I think that was like probably some of the hardest months for me was her not really grasping why daddy's not coming back right now, or fully understanding that like he will come back.
Speaker 2Yeah, I think too, because we haven't had Walker leave for you know a rotation yet. Um, we're traveling with him to hopefully not have to do that. But we are gonna we're gonna be apart for about a month, but that's it. And I know that's gonna be like the hardest month ever. Um so one of the other things is that their schedules are extremely um fluctuating, they're not the same all the time. And so when you go from one week of like, oh, he's working a couple night shifts and he is like here most of the time, and then the next week he's gone like all day every day. That's so hard for the babies too. Because you're like, Where's where's my daddy? Yeah, he was he was here yesterday, he was here all week, and now he's not.
Speaker 1Um, so that is hard, but or not only like working night shift and then coming home and they kind of see them in the morning while they're eating breakfast, and then it's like daddy just went to take a shower and daddy's sleeping and he's not playing with me. And it's yeah, because your dad has been up all night while you were sleeping, yeah, taking care of people.
Speaker 2One day they'll understand, and they'll be they'll be like, Wow, they did so much, they sacrificed a lot, and we didn't they didn't even know at the time.
Speaker 1I think another thing that I didn't think would be as hard, but trying to process upcoming move, at least with Mia, trying to talk about moving. Yes, I don't think she's going to remember anything living here in Virginia, but I worry that she's gonna like realize change. I know she'll make new friends and we we'll come visit. And you can come visit. We'll visit. I think that in itself, I think she's already starting to realize where are my toys going? There's boxes, all the things are down off the walls in my room. It's just my crib and my dresser left. I didn't think it would be this hard with a young kiddo.
Speaker 2Yeah, that never even occurred to me yet. Oh no, this is gonna be hard.
Speaker 1I know one of our other dear friends who already is on residency, she was telling me that they're coming back for graduation, but hers is a little bit older, and she was talking about how she's worried that like she is going to recognize here and they're only staying here for a few days, and then they're leaving to go back and like worried about how that is gonna go with her. And yeah, those are some things like I never really crossed my mind.
Speaker 2Yeah, the good thing is babies are like well, I say babies, I talk about all kids, like they're just my babies, okay? Um, with kiddos, they're very resilient, they don't they stretch so well, they don't yeah, they're they're not gonna I don't think they'll be as emotionally affected as we might think they are. So that's the good news. Yeah, other good news is that I didn't think we'd find as many people as we have here to be, you know, our family and our community. Um, and so I know that wherever we go next, we very well may find just as rich of a community and um, you know, find the people we go to church with and find the people that Walker's in residency with. And I know that it's possible because we've done it here. And um I think God brings people that you need. And so just being on the on the lookout and really seek it out. You can't sit in your house all day and think you're gonna find friends because you're not. Um, but if you go out and make connections with people and don't be shy, don't be afraid to talk to people. Um yeah, you might find your forever friends and you didn't even know it.
Speaker 1I totally agree. And like I said, if you're looking for someone who's also in the same season as you, they may not be at the same hospital as you or in the same specialty as you. But side by side is a national organization. There are Facebook pages and things that you can like find. I know in our new home, I researched and found the side by side in our uh city and already joined the group and have already had other wives reach out to me and like offer support or advice, and it's been great. No, that's so priceless.
Speaker 2Like I've looked at all the cities that we're um thinking we could potentially move to in the future, and they all have side by sides, so yeah, you know, it's everywhere, and that's a that's been such a valuable group for us here.
Speaker 1Have you ever felt guilt in this season, either toward your partner, your baby, or yourself? I think for me personally, Mia doesn't really understand or grasp what's happening with David, that he's gonna come back, or feeling like we're away from family in that those relationships. There is that feeling of like, oh, that's another holiday away from family, or different things that like I feel like Mia misses out on because we're in this season of our life. But I'm hopeful that moving forward, even in residency and as an attending, our families will start coming to us for certain holidays or moving closer to us, and then that way my mom can pop over. Yeah, if I have a bad night and be like, Hey, can you just fold this load of laundry for me, or can I go take a nap or whatever it may be?
Speaker 2Yeah, no, that's that's the dream, yeah, for sure. I think for me, like guilt comes in where I feel like I'm not doing enough. Like sometimes the housework gets overwhelming, and I have this idea in my head that everything should be like just so, and I really just need to let go of that perfectionism, and then my husband tells me that all the time. I know he's gonna listen to this and laugh and be like, Yep, I tell you that all the time. Just let it go. It doesn't need to be perfect. Um, but I think like even aside from being a mom, that's just something I need to, you know, the Lord's working that on that in me. So um definitely comes into play in motherhood. Um with my second pregnancy, because we had our babies 15 months apart, um I was in a lot of like physical pain with like my hips and stuff. And so at the end, I was not even like getting out of the house very much, and I did feel a lot of guilt during that time with like my little girl. Like, she's not getting out of the house. She's um she's alone with me a lot of the time. She doesn't see all her little friends as much, especially during that summer break when a lot of your medical school friends are gone. That's that's real life right there. Yeah, um, summertime is fun, but you won't see all the people that you might be, you know. We didn't see everybody we were doing daily life with before, and that's hard, especially like for the kiddos to not have their friends.
Speaker 1I know that makes me sad. I wish I would have reached out more.
Speaker 2Guilt is not usually rooted in truth, and you have to remember that. And my my mom is especially very good at reminding me this. Um, that your feelings are not usually the truth, and emotions are not usually the whole truth, and it's okay to feel them, but then you have to go back and remind yourself like reality reality, and that is so helpful, especially. I mean, going off on another thing, not just with you know, feeling guilt about stuff, but feeling like if you're feeling overwhelmed or you're feeling like I'm the only person in the world doing this. The truth is we're not, yeah, we're not, and it's not it's like hot takes, but it's not, it's just the hard truth. Yeah, it's um like people do motherhood like alone for the most part, like without family and and without support, without built-in support all the time, not just in medical school, but like for so many other reasons, and so I feel like like it's okay to understand that this is it's gonna it could be hard at some points, it's gonna be hard, but you're not alone, you're not the only person in the world doing it, and that does make it less hard, but it helps know you're not alone, and also you know, chin up, girl, don't be a victim of motherhood.
Speaker 1I want to share something that has genuinely helped us stay on top of life lately, and that's using Monarch for budgeting. If you're anything like us, especially in this season of life, balancing school, work, family, loans, and everything in between, money can feel like one more thing to keep track of. And honestly, it used to stress me out. But Monarch has made it so much easier. It gives you a full picture of your finances in one place, your spending, your savings, your goals. And what I love most is that it's designed for families. You can link your accounts, credit cards, and even investment accounts. You can share it with your partner, stay on the same page, and actually feel in control together. It's not about restricting your life, it's about understanding it and making smarter decisions without feeling overwhelmed. If you want to try it out, you can get 50% off your first year with my link in the show notes. I highly recommend it if you're trying to simplify your finances and just feel a little more organized in your day-to-day life. What has surprised you emotionally about becoming a mom during this time? The emotions.
Speaker 2I think my first big emotions I had on my motherhood journey, if you will, was while I was still pregnant with my first baby. My mom came to visit. This is all like I mean, moms are so important in your motherhood journey. I'm telling you what, they just know things and they they know you better than anybody. They're they just know what you need, and they're you don't have to like put on A show for them, you know. You don't have to pretend like you have it all together, you don't actually have to do that with anybody, guys, just letting you know, but especially with your mom, like your mom just knows she can come over while you're in your pajamas and be like, Hey, what's up? And it's not like I don't know, moms are special, okay? Yeah, especially as you're becoming a mom because you're realizing all the sacrifices that she made for you and all the things that she did that you didn't you didn't realize she was doing all that. Um, so she came to visit me for a week while I was still pregnant, and when she left, I was like, I think I was a little depressed for a minute. And here's where the misplaced feelings were is that I thought this is what you know life could have been if I had been doing this time of life with my family and all of our support back home. And I completely missed like the blessing that God's given us in this time of you know, not taking that for granted when your family does come.
Speaker 1Honestly, though, I think emotionally becoming a mom, I think it surprised me. Like you said, how much your mom does for you, how much you realize she has done. Because I remember I had one really, really, really hard day with Mia. And I remember finally laying in bed that night, and I literally texted my mom and I said, Mom, thank you for all that you did for us growing up. I can't even put it into words because we had the hardest day, and I know like I need to keep moving forward, but I can't imagine how you handled three girls pretty close in age with each other while my dad was out traveling and doing other things for work, and my mom somehow kept everything together all the time, and I think I also saw that when I had Mia early and my mom flew in, and I remember my mom saying, Just give me Mia, it's okay, go get some sleep, and like I'll take care of her. But you know, maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but it's like you tr fully trust your mom so much, but it's like you hear your baby crying and you just have to go see and take care of them. But there were nights at like anywhere from midnight to 4 a.m. My mom and I would just be sitting on the couch holding Mia in those first few days with the Christmas tree all lit up. And we would just like see the street light on, and the two of us would just sit on the couch and just talk. And literally, those were like some of the best memories I had postpartum.
Speaker 2I would literally go back in a heartbeat to having my first baby because my mom came and stayed with us for like a month, and some of the best memories were us just like like you're saying in the middle of the night, just sitting there together and like you know, you're not alone. Yeah.
Speaker 1Um, yeah, they yeah, or like she'd make me a bottle or whatever, and then you just sit there and like feed them and just talk, or yeah, she checks in on you and encourages you to get sleep, but you say, No, I'm liking this moment more. Right, yeah, and then you'll regret it when she leaves, and you're like, Oh, I could just get an hour of sleep right now.
Speaker 2Yeah, but I think both ways when she's there, I'm like, I can't I can't even go to bed right now because I'm gonna regret this when you go. And then when she leaves, I'm like, Oh yeah, I should have taken that nap, but not really. Like, no, seriously. Um, I think another thing went with because I feel like you and I we both look up to our moms so much, and we feel like they're, you know, they've got it all together, like you said, and then you talk to them and they never had it all together either. And that is such a comfort to me as a mom. Like, your kids aren't gonna care if you, you know, had a breakdown. They're not gonna care that you, like I was saying, didn't, you know, the house isn't clean 24-7. Oh well, they don't care, they don't see that. Just like we didn't see that. In my mind, my mom was like, you know, well, okay, I actually don't know if I might have to stand by this. I think she was very clean and like organized, but she might tell you, nope, it wasn't always that case. Um, but I didn't know that. Yeah, I just thought that she had it all together, and so hey, maybe our kids will, you know, they have grace for us, they they're not gonna know that we had a hard time getting everybody in the car on a random Wednesday morning. They don't they don't know that, and those things are so magnified in our own minds, we just need to let it go. Be like, you know what? No one's asking us to be perfect, even the people who we thought were perfect are not perfect, and it's okay.
Speaker 1I know I saw something the other day, and it was be present for your kids, not perfection. And I think that is like so perfect right now in our life because our house is a disaster right now. Boxes moving, all the things. Mia knocked over David's uh glass the other day, and it was like bright red something, I don't even know what was in it with his like creatine mixture for like pre-workout, but all over our carpet. So then there I am, like, all right, Mia, go this way, so then I can bring out the rug cleaner and like start cleaning it all up. But it's just like certain moments like that where it's I need to be present for her, I need to be calm, accidents happen, teaching her, like, hey, when something happens, come get mom, we'll help clean up together, kind of thing. But life doesn't need to be perfect. I don't need to get mad at her that red is all over the carpet. She honestly just did it on accident. She reached across the table, he left the cup there, and it knocked over. Not stressing about the moments where you are stressed, loading the kids up into the car or something like that. You being there and you taking them out or doing some sort of activity with them is I think what means the most to them.
Speaker 2And that's what they're gonna remember.
Speaker 1Was there a moment where it really hit you like, wow, we're doing this during medical school?
Speaker 2I think I was just so ready to have babies that um I think I would have been emotionally overwhelmed no matter what, like in a good way. Wow. I think we had I had a moment like this a couple weeks ago where we were all at a park together and my husband was fishing, we had the babies out, and they were just like enjoying the beautiful day, and I just felt so overwhelmed. Like, we're so blessed to have this experience. Because all the people who were telling us like medical school's gonna suck, it's gonna be so hard. Maybe they didn't have that experience, you know. Maybe they didn't have these moments of I'm so incredibly blessed to be here right now. Um and so that kind of one, it makes me very grateful that we do have those, you know, moments of just being in awe of what we get to do every day and what we get to be a part of. Um, and it also makes me want to reach out to the people that might not be having that because the the stories of medical school is so hard, they come from somewhere. And it comes from people's real experiences, and that just makes me sad. And it makes me want to reach out to people and make sure that no one's doing this alone and that they know they don't have to be alone. I feel like that's partly why you're doing this podcast and building this community, is that we need that. We don't we don't want people to do this alone, and you don't have to.
Speaker 1There's resources, and I think everyone has their own story, even in like me or both of us having children in medical school. Yeah, there's some people that go through medical school single, there's people who and have their own challenges, there's people who go through medical school married or engaged or dating and they have their own challenges, whether that's like long distance relationships. Um, one of David's dear friends, uh, he was in medical school here. His wife were they actually got married during medical school. She was also in medical school out west, and they did long distance the entire time, and then she matched for residency, and then match day was a little bit more on edge for them because they didn't want to spend the next three, four years apart again. Oh, that'd be so scary. Yeah. And he luckily also she matched to a very competitive program, so then he kind of felt the pressure to match to a very competitive program so that way they could live together again. So yeah, I can't imagine what their challenges were like in medical school. More power to them. Seriously.
Speaker 2Yeah, I think when I hear stories like that, I'm like, nope, we have it easy. We're this is pretty simple.
Speaker 1We're good. I remember having Mia, and I was being induced, and I remember almost making it to the end and thinking to myself, we're really doing this during medical school. I remember looking at David, and I still have the selfie of us, me laying in the hospital bed. I could barely see from pre-E, but I said to David, I was like, let's take one last picture of the two of us, and we did, and then we ended up having Mia shortly, like an hour later. Wow. Which was crazy.
Speaker 2But yeah, that's so sweet.
Speaker 1What does a typical day look like for you right now? Oh, that's a good question.
Speaker 2Um I feel like right now is not typical. Um maybe for a couple months at a time we'll get typical. Like a couple months ago, uh, we were, you know, waking up in the morning doing I I told myself we're just gonna, you know, do stuff around the house, and then after nap we'll go and we'd go on a walk every day or make sure we got out to a park every day. Just because I mean I love getting outside. I feel like the the kids always do better when we get outside. Like, don't be inside all day. That's not good for anybody. Um, so that used to be our typical. Right now, the typical is figuring out what are we downsizing? Are we selling something today for like furniture? Um, that's typical. So our typical right now is very unusual, but that's okay. It's almost nice to shake it up sometimes. Um, and it makes you one more grateful for the days when it's chill and everybody's just, you know, has no agenda. We're not doing anything for the day.
Speaker 1I think for us, a typical day right now is so different because David is off of rotations, we are matched, all those things. So a typical day for us looks like DMV paperwork, trying to get everything set up for the house, painting, patching holes, doing all the things that we need to do. We're living life by our checklists these days. Exactly.
Speaker 2What can we get done? Yes.
Speaker 1And I feel like we're throwing more money out the window right now between moving trucks, two rents at the same time, which is wild. Starting on Friday, we will have full access to the house, which is wild, and two double sets of utility bills for a month, but it will all be okay. Honestly, I was expecting it to be a lot worse. But getting back to also what we're doing, we started our morning off at Starbucks, which actually was so fun now that Mia is in gluten and dairy again. Yeah, because there's actually things that she can eat meat and snacks, yeah. And both of us were like avoiding all of our responsibilities at the house and the mess that it was because we were gonna feed her breakfast and then just grab like coffee at Starbucks in Target and walk uh Target. But then I was like, oh, let's go get her egg bites, and we'll get a bagel and stuff and split it and do that. Well, ending up all she wanted was the bagel. She never wanted the egg bites that we got her, but then she ended up eating some of them. But it was just like the best morning, so slow. We all just shared a little like breakfast sitting down at Starbucks, and then we went and walked Target and we got a few items that we needed, and then we went to Walmart and walked Walmart, and then we went home and took her nap. And then in the afternoon, we went to the Dollar Tree. We found these like really cheap, but they're really good quality, and they like light up and make noises, and she loves it. It was like a dump truck that I got her a few months ago, but they had like an excavator and a like backhoe or something. I don't really know. I need to become more educated on them because she's so into them all. But so we went hunting to all these Dollar Trees trying to find the other truck because also, like, that's been huge for her, and I think a piece of Virginia because every morning she looks out her window or during the day or after a nap or before bed, and she sees the construction that's happening behind her apartment right now. So much joy can be bought for a couple bucks. Exactly, babies are so easy, I know, and the memories, and then we went and walked Ollie's and we got a book um about being kind to ourselves. And if you haven't checked out the book section at Ollie's, it's very good and very cheap.
Speaker 2And if you need help getting the Ollie stickers off, call us. There's life hacks about that. Goo Gone. No, did you not? You just take a hairdryer for like uh maybe 30 seconds, that thing just falls right off.
Speaker 1Are you serious?
Speaker 2Ollie's website, we had to look it up. We're like, why would they do this? Why would they do this to us? Yeah, this is the worst sticker, they never come off. Okay, it looks tacky, and you just hit it with a hairdryer.
Speaker 1Yeah, I noticed they started putting the stickers on the backs of the books, like by the barcode, and I was like, thank goodness. But I'll have to try that. How do you manage when your partner is gone all day or on rotations?
Speaker 2We just do life, we take it slow. I think so. I'm a stay-at-home mom. You work, so I feel like you might have a better like insight for people who do stuff outside the home or inside the home because you work from home a lot. I feel like it's simple for me. We just kind of, you know, do our daily life. We read our books, we do our, you know, coloring time. I used to teach preschool. Um, and so I'm very big into activities and um crafts that we can do, even though it might be a little early. She still loves them. Um, so we do a lot of that and uh we work our days around nap time. We try to get out and see people. That's always the best. Um, it helps break up those long, you know, either the evening hours or the morning hours or something. I think you just have to find what brings the most peace in the household and do that. So if that's getting out, um, get out. If that's, you know, planning a nice day in together, that's do that. Go on a walk. Something.
Speaker 1Yeah, I have to mention I texted you frantically one day and was like, can you watch Mia for one hour for me, please? And I had a doctor's appointment and I forget where David was. And I was like, David will come back and swing by and pick her up on his way back, blah, blah, blah. And you were like, Of course. Dropped her off for maybe 45 minutes. And this girl came home with the cutest happy birthday, mom, little art project with her hand and flowers and everything. Because my birthday was like in two days. Like, I was like, You just had three kids and managed to pull this entire little art project off in 45 minutes.
Speaker 2No, you don't send kids to my house and not get them back without like a craft. I was like, That's that's the rule.
Speaker 1I was literally in shock. I was like, wow, okay, I need to step up my game.
Speaker 2No, we all have different strengths. You send them to my house for art class, I'll send them to your house for haircuts.
Speaker 1When David is gone all day for us or on rotations, I think we do something very similar, always like reaching out, being like, hey, do you want to meet up at the park? Or just taking me into the park, or I need to run an errand or whatever, just kind of taking her along with me. But when I am working, I really try to work my hours around her nap schedule or like little downtime so she can watch a little show and then take a nap. And then I'm working like throughout that part, feed her some lunch, have her lunch ready for her when she wakes up, and then she'll eat her lunch while I finish up working and then we're back to it again. Um but yeah, some days when they're gone all day or on rotations, yeah, it is really, really hard to try to work, take care of a kid, toddler, baby, whatever it may be for you, get the laundry done, prep dinner. I'm blessed that my husband loves to cook and will cook and meal prep based on his schedules. But honestly, that's what works for us. So that's kind of how we manage as a family to eat healthy, not try to order out as much because that can become expensive.
Speaker 2Oh, that's pricey.
Speaker 1Yeah. I couldn't even remember. Probably count on one or two hands how many times we ordered out throughout medical school just because we always chose to cook because it was cheaper. What routines or habits have helped you to stay sane?
Speaker 2I think it changes probably month to month. Espe because when your babies are so little, they're changing month to month. Their schedules are not the same. What they need is not the same. So, like at first, when I had our little boy and our daughter was 15 months old, days looked a lot different than they do now that they're both like mobile and like very self-sufficient for you know, maybe 30 minutes at a time to like read books together or something. Um, so back when they both needed me like kind of all the time. Um, they're so little, I'd have to wake up very early. And um like if I didn't wake up by 4 or 5 a.m., I wasn't getting anything done. And that was only for like just a short season. So you have to figure out works and be okay with like changing it. Now, I don't need to do that, so I don't I'm not waking up early, guys. Um, you know, but remembering moms don't get everything done in a day. If you see a mom, you think she has it all together. She probably doesn't. No, she does. She's waking up at the crack of dawn.
SpeakerMm-hmm.
Speaker 2Mm-hmm. And it's probably only a season. You guys because man, I was put together for like one week, and then ever since then, I'm like, you know what? It's just not, it was taking a lot of sanity. And so then I had to figure out what worked the next week. And it wasn't waking up so early. Um, it was like figuring out how to get their naps lined up. And so when I did that, you know, I was getting other things done during their nap times. And then when their naps didn't line up anymore, it was wearing the baby in a carrier while my toddler nap and do you know, so you just have to adapt. And I think that's true for all seasons of life. But in motherhood, there's there's people around you, you can ask them for tips. Man, I've gotten so much help from like all my mommy friends. They're like, Have you tried this? No, thank you for that because I'm gonna go do that right now. Um, even online, just look it up. Life hacks with moms, there's so much out there.
Speaker 1I know for us, laundry is so hard for us to get done during the week. Like, it just like does not happen. But a routine that I probably wouldn't like to keep up with that I'm hoping, at least in the new house, that we can try to stay on top of this a little bit more. But for us, it just won't work during the week. So we do four or five loads of laundry throughout the weekend. When Mia goes down for a nap or goes down to bed, David and I both just go into our bedroom, we fold all the clothes and just tag team it together and then put it all away, like in an hour. Yeah. And like for us, that's just what happens. I don't wish it was like that. My mom always would tell me, Morgan, just try to do one load a day and it would make it so much easier for you. But for us, I like my sleep. I'm not gonna stay up till 10, 11, 12 o'clock at night just so I could finish the laundry. For us, we'll start that on the weekend. Right? Exactly.
Speaker 2I think for Walker and I, a lot of our mundane chores, we make them in, we call it a date. And we're like, let's go have a folding date. It just means we're doing it together. That's all that means. We call it a folding party. Yes, party. I think we've used the word party. Make it fun. Yeah, just make it fun. Um, anytime that we get the laundry like washed, dried, folded, and put away, my mom and sisters get a text like, guys, I did this all in one day. I feel like I need a round of applause here. Like, that's a big deal sometimes. Well, I'm glad we're the same because sometimes it, you know, it's folded and it does not get I don't know what the mental you know barrier is there, but I'm like, I think I might die if I have to put that away right now. Um, so that's why it helps to do it like with somebody. Even my daughter, she'll she'll sit there with me and fold she'll not really nicely, but she'll fold the clothes and it takes like 10 times as long, but it's more fun because we're doing it together, and I have to refold when she leaves the room, but she doesn't know that. She thinks she did a great job. That's what I tell her. You did a great job, baby.
Speaker 1I love that. I know Mia the other day literally took clothes, dirty clothes, out of the washing machine, and then like brought them to me. And then I was like, Can you put that back in the washing machine for me? And she put it back and then shut the door, and I was like, Good job. But I was like, Oh my word, I do not need dirty clothes going around here. Have you ever just had a complete breakdown moment and what happened? For us, we had a complete breakdown moment, but it's just a battle that life threw us. And this past winter. We all came down with the stomach bug and it was horrible. But basically, Mia had had symptoms earlier in the week, but we thought it was like food related or she got something that she shouldn't have had. And I ended up becoming like really, really sick all of a sudden. And we thought it was my gallbladder. So I ended up in the hospital, sick as a dog by myself because David was home with Mia. Then Mia was sick, and then David got sick. And I remember when I was heading into the hospital, it was probably like 4 or 5 a.m. I called my mom and I was like, Mom, I can't do this. Like, I need help. And what did my mom do? Not even two hours later, got on an airplane and flew straight down to us and stayed with us for over a week, helping us get back on our feet. She probably scrubbed more car seats and clothes and laundry and made us food and just kind of let us sleep. And by the grace of God, she never got sick. That was like my biggest fear that she was gonna be next to fall.
Speaker 2I'm like, when do we get that mom superpower? When do we graduate to not getting sick with the family?
unknownYeah.
Speaker 2I'm ready.
Speaker 1Yeah, me too. Because it was horrible and so, so, so thankful for her because it was just this feeling as like I'm trying to provide for my family, and now I can't even get up off the bathroom floor. And then I also have a sick baby, and how am I supposed to care for her? And then my husband's sick, and my husband still has to go on rotations. How are we gonna keep moving? So yeah, that was really hard.
Speaker 2Yeah, but so thankful for her. Yeah, and it made sweet memories, I bet. Yeah, you know, looking back in the moment, but looking back, it's good. Um, I think one of my most memorable breakdowns um was uh that week that we were all snowed in. Do you remember that? Just this last winter, and I don't think I saw another adult, like besides my husband, for like a full six days. And we were in the house. We couldn't leave because my daughter's like terrified of the snow. She won't she won't go outside with it. So I'm like, I haven't seen the light of day. We really thought we were gonna like lose power, and we were all like worst case scenario that whole week. I think I was just got really overwhelmed, like, because you can't this is what I'm talking about with you, can't be alone all the time, it's just not healthy. No, mentally, emotionally, it's not. Um, we're made to be with people, even like I'm an introvert, I love my alone time, but you still need like somebody else. You can't just be alone all the time. This is not healthy. And I remember at the end of it, my one of my friends from church had texted me, like just randomly, just hey, how are you doing? And I was like, honestly, I'm not doing so good. Yeah. Um, I think it's important to be okay with telling people the truth about how you're doing. It does not have to be how are you? Good, okay, great. You know, that's not that's not real relationship. I mean, you know, don't go and tell your whole life story to somebody at Walmart, maybe, you know, but like friends, um, when they're checking in on you, be honest because sometimes you just need a little help, a little, you know, a hand to hold just to be there with you. Um, and she like when she got off work, she came over, she brought me coffee, and we just sat and like talked for like 20 or 30 minutes about nothing. We were just talking, and I'm like, I really needed that. I'm like, that was that was God's provision for me in that moment. I think God will provide what you need, even in those like He provided your mom coming down. Praise God, she was able to make it and come down so fast. Yeah, like that's just it's like a miracle. I know. So, you know, you're not alone. What's one thing you wish people understood about this life? That it can be so beautiful.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think that you also don't need to put your life on hold for medicine. No, not at all.
Speaker 2We learned that you can do anything in medical school, yeah.
Speaker 1Continue to have your family get married, and I got married during medical school.
Speaker 2That's so crazy to me.
Speaker 1We had a baby during medical school.
Speaker 2So you've done it all. You did dating, you did or engaged, I don't know when you got engaged.
Speaker 1We were dating when he was applying medical school, and then right before he got accepted to liberty, we got engaged. So then we were engaged through the first year of medical school, and then wow.
Speaker 2So, like your first year of marriage was second year medical school.
Speaker 1Oh, yeah. Ding! Wow, I really love him.
Speaker 2No, I love I love like seeing you guys together. I was thinking, yeah, they're in love. Yeah, I'm glad you see that. No, it's always very sweet. Um, you know, seeing people's like relationships just you know, when when you're in love and you're committed to each other and you know you wanna do life together, you can make that happen. It doesn't there's so many obstacles. Medical school isn't the only one. People have health obstacles, job things, family things, just life.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Can you make it happen?
Speaker 1And don't hold back. Like, if you had asked me if I was gonna live in Lynchburg, Virginia in my life and have a kid in Virginia, I would have told you you were nuts. Like Yeah, no. But also just taking it running with it and watching the relationships and things that will develop from those choices. And I was talking to someone else recently, and they were like, We know we want to move back home closer to our family eventually, but residency is another short period in our life, so why not try to move somewhere else for residency and live that life for a few years?
Speaker 2Yeah, look at it like an adventure. The world is your oyster, you can go anywhere and do anything, exactly, and it doesn't have to be forever, exactly. Like you don't have to make a lifelong commitment, it's just like a little, hey, you ever think about living in you know Nashville or yeah, South Carolina or Middle of nowhere, Kansas, anywhere. You can get state. Woo!
Speaker 1Yeah, you can really do anything with it. So if you see those people living out of an RV, guess what? You could live out of an RV for fourth year away rotations. It's possible.
Speaker 2Anything's possible.
Speaker 1So and travel the world. What are you most worried about with the new move or travel? And what are you most excited about?
Speaker 2I feel like as our moving and traveling for fourth year comes closer, I feel more and more at peace about everything. Like everything's falling into place and lining up. And I did not expect that to be the case. I thought I'd go crazy, like freaking out about we don't have this lined up, we don't have that set up, but that's completely not been the case. Like God has been providing every single thing sooner than we ever thought we'd have answers about like where we're going, where we're gonna live and stay, um, where the rotations are gonna be. Can we come back to Lynchburg for the second half of the year? All those things that are just question marks. Um, and our family being like, where are you even gonna live? We don't know. Um, people think you're crazy, but it's good. Uh it's been so much better as you go forward and you just just start moving, just start taking steps towards what you want to do. We knew we wanted to spend fourth year together. We didn't want to be apart for the whole year. I know people do that all the time, and it can go really well, but that was not for us. We did not want to be apart um for you know the most of the year, especially with the two babies. That'd be so hard. Yeah, I don't know how you guys did it.
Speaker 1You weren't even apart for like the whole year. I know. We did three months apart, yeah. But I went back to family for chunks of it. Yeah. Because I knew that packing up our life, putting it in storage, and then going on was just gonna cost us more money. But for you guys, I think it's a great idea. Honestly, like thinking back to it though, some days I'm like, I wish I did that, then like continue to pay our rent and utilities and everything, like double rent that like maybe it wasn't gonna be. But we also have a lot more stuff than you do, and we wanted to keep a lot of our stuff, yeah. Like we bought a lot of furniture when we got here and purposely bought like new stuff, thinking like, oh, we'll take it with us to residency and on when I wish sometimes I would have just like bought crappy furniture and just like unloaded it, you know? Yeah, but I think that like boils down to there's so many ways to handle like especially fourth year.
Speaker 2Because I feel like it's the most like question market time where like you don't know where you're going, what you're doing. Are you gonna be together? Where I don't know. There's so many questions. Um, and you can handle it however you want to. People travel with their spouse, people go home to family, people stick it out where they're at. Um, and it everybody I know has survived it. Dare I say, thrived. Yeah. Yeah. Um you're gonna be okay. Yeah. And match day is coming, and you're gonna do great. And there's just you know there's ways to make it look the way you want it to look. Whether that's more stability at home or more time with your spouse or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think we're or at least I'm most worried about with the new move is gonna be finding my people and finding that village. I know I eventually will, but I think that may just make me nervous. David's starting his intern year of residency and how challenging those hours can be. I think mentally I'm telling myself that like he's never gonna be around, he's not gonna have any responsibilities in the house, he's not gonna do anything other than sleep and go to work and eat, basically, and maybe cook us something here and there, kind of thing. But like, I'm gonna have to cook more, I'm gonna have to do these things. But then I also look back and I'm like, that's what I thought med school is gonna be. We were gonna be eating peanut butter and jelly every night for dinner, and like, you know, yeah, but instead we're eating shrimp one night here or there because we can, you know. So I'm definitely nervous to see how that works its way out and how we build our new routine, our new lifestyle, everything down in South Carolina. But I think I am most excited about waking up to palm trees and warm weather almost every day. Yes, just deciding like, oh, David has a day off, like, let's gather up everything and let's head to the beach for grab some pub subs at Publix and go to the beach. So I think things like that are just gonna be much better for me. I think mentally, physically, getting out, being more active. I've always, always wanted to live somewhere down in the south with palm trees for some reason.
Speaker 2South Carolina is the place that's just me.
Speaker 1Yeah. Also, I think like there are times around the holidays where I'm like, oh, I just wish it would snow or something. And I feel like South Carolina, at least where we're living, there is a chance that it could snow like once a year, if that, but then it like melts away really, really fast. Where like here, I feel like we we definitely have a shorter winter than what we have up in New England. But sometimes you still feel like you're stuck inside and it's cold and it's bitter, but so I'm excited.
Speaker 2The cold dark winter deep.
Speaker 1Yeah, exactly. As we grow our family to being able to just like take the kids outside or like be in that newborn stage and being able to just go for a walk or go to the pool.
Speaker 2We've talked a little bit about like, do we want to go to Florida at some point? Um, and while that might not be like a forever home for us, we don't know. Yeah, our minds can change, but what I'm looking at right now is like that would be a great way to spend these younger years is to just be able to go outside all the time and enjoy the warmth and the sunshine. Um, so I totally get what you're saying there.
Speaker 1Like it brings a whole different like mood, I feel like. Oh, yeah, it's the vitamin D. Yeah, yeah, you gotta soak it all in. Like, as much as I loved having a winter baby, like she was like end of October actually due in beginning of December. But like we had our Christmas tree up and Christmas lights and stuff, and I loved those moments, don't get me wrong, but like trying to bundle her up to go outside to just go for a walk was like not fun.
Speaker 2No, it's hard, especially when they're older, they won't keep mittens on. Ask me how I know. We didn't go outside for a long time because somebody would cry because their hands were cold and she didn't want to put her mittens on. And I'm like, come take me to Florida. Seriously.
Speaker 1What's one piece of advice you wish you had earlier?
Speaker 2To realize exactly which moments are gonna be like turn into your memories because you're living your life, and then like two years down the road, you're like, wow, that's like that was such a sweet moment. I remember that. And um, to realize that the moment the hard moments that you're living in, the fun moments, the the beautiful moments, those are all gonna turn into your memories. And um, to really like make the most of them because one day you're gonna wish that you could go back, even like even the first two years of medical school, which I feel like are harder than the last two, at least for our family, it was. Um because you know, they're going to school all day, they're studying, there's tests and stuff. It's not quite as grueling in the next two years when they're actually doing like practical things that they're passionate about, and they're like, Oh yes, I wasn't make to take tests all the time, I wasn't made for that life. Yeah, they're actually getting to be with patients, so that's a lot easier. But um, even those first two years, we have such fond memories. We talk about that all the time. Like, man, if we could go back, we would, you know? And I think that's something uh to know that I wish we could have known is like you are gonna look back on these years fondly. So don't dread it and don't go in dreading it and being scared. Don't be scared.
Speaker 1I definitely agree. Kind of looping into the next topic. I think one piece of advice that I wish I had earlier was although your spouse is in medicine, you may have more medical knowledge, but speak up for yourself. If a med student walks into the delivery room or a med student walks into your room, it's okay to say no in certain areas. Like I sometimes wish I, even though I said put no and no med students in my chart for OB, med students still entered the room where we delivered.
Speaker 2So and guys, these aren't just med students, these are our husband's um buddies. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1So yeah. I'm all about education and letting the medical students have hands-on experience. I always agree to the med student in everything except for Obi-Gan. So, like, it's okay to say no. Like, you can't speak up and say, hey, I'm the spouse of a medical student, and a lot of these people who are on rotations right now are friends of ours, and I would rather not.
Speaker 2Yeah. And I feel like in our community, because they're kind of smaller, like the the people know that. Um, the doctors know that, especially, you know, when you go in, you're like, Yeah, people know your husband's a medical student. Um, because they ask you, like, what does your spouse do? And whatever it's in the paperwork. So if they know that, they'll probably try to avoid putting students in there. But even if it does happen, they'll ask you, Are you comfortable? You just say no. Yeah, it's okay. Um, also, if the student, you know, I think correct me if I'm wrong, they know like the patient they're going into, right?
Speaker 1Yeah, I know some people will say, like, I know this person, like, this is going in there. Yeah.
Speaker 2So hopefully that's the case too. So don't be scared. Yeah. People probably won't bombard you. But also don't feel like you have a debt to pay to medical students and you have to let them learn on you. You don't. It's okay. Yeah.
Speaker 1Nobody, nobody has that oblig obligation. That's a wrap. Maddie, thank you for being here and opening up about your life as a mom to two adorable kiddos. I know it's not always easy to open up, but I think your perspective and advice can really help others. And to anyone listening, whether you're in medicine or loving someone through it, I hope this reminds you that what you're feeling is valid and that you are not alone in it. And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and follow along so you never miss an episode. It helps this little community grow in the best way. You can find me on social media at LifeofADR Wife. Until next time, take a breath, pour yourself an ice coffee, and be kind to yourself. I'll see you in the next one.
